R is for radiotherapy

I think the therapy part of the word is misleading; I don't necessarily associate therapy with enjoyment, but something involving calm and measured discussions, slow stretching, meditation, gentle movements etc. (all this based on stuff I have seen on TV or read about, not from personal experience so maybe my image is also a bit too idealistic!) The actual treatment itself isn't painful at all, the only uncomfortable aspect has been the realisation that my bikini line isn't really 'spectator' ready! However, at this stage, any self-consciousness or embarrassment about my less than smooth legs or bikini line has gone out of the window. I've been prodded, scanned and looked at by so many nurses and doctors now that I don't care.

So anyway, back to the zapping. Well, like I say the actual treatment itself is painless and really quick - whip off your clothes down below, jump on the bed, stay still and then less than 5 mins later I'm re-dressed and ready to go. I have to have five sessions in total and have had two so far; the aim of it is to relieve pain, but as with most things, there is a catch, namely that it is likely to get worse before it gets better - score! Thursday night I had about 2 hours of excruciating pain in my leg; it's very hard to describe the pain except that it was unlike anything I've ever experienced before and really bloody hurt. I was doubled up, couldn't sit, lie or stand comfortably and poor Ed had to witness it without really being able to help - I had a bath which helped a bit and then after sniffing some more of my horse-tranquiliser nasal spray, it gradually subsided to the constant dull ache I am used to.

Last night was the same, I couldn't get to sleep; Ed ran me a bath at about 2am so I was in a steaming bath (one where you get a red sock line when you step in) listening to Ben Howard and Florence and the Machine until about 3am - thank god for music, what a fantastic distraction. I went from silent sobbing, hot tears (that didn't feel hot on my cheeks because I was sweating buckets at that point) rolling down my face to bopping away in the cooler water to "Sweet Nothings" with Florence and Calvin. Suffice to say I was a bit knackered at 7.30am so my morning consisted of a few episodes of House of Cards on Netflix, and trying to remain awake throughout. Today I realised that I had actually watched some of the season 2 episodes last week in a twilight zone of confusion... i.e. watching, dozing off, and waking up half way then choosing the wrong episode to watch next. I was seriously considering highlighting a continuity failure when I was on episode one of season 2 because someone who had died in season 1 appeared three episodes later! I mean, a painting being in a different position on a wall is one thing, but reincarnating characters and not even doing a 'Dallas' (it was a dream) to explain it, is quite poor.

I've got three more radiotherapy sessions this week so really hope that the 'getting worse' bit is over and it will only get better now.. but we'll see. Another complication this weekend has been a chest infection for which I have been given antibiotics and steroids. The bonus of being on steroids (is there one?) is that they might help reduce any swelling caused by radiotherapy which could also limit the pain. It's worth a try.