D is for distraction

This post is my distraction, I hope, from the discomfort of nausea... I have been persuaded by my doctor to try morphine patches again. I have tried them once before, but with horrendous side-effects, namely nausea and migraine. I don't know how or why but somehow feeling nauseous all day is worse than having severe pain in my leg. Sickness is debilitating, I don't know what to do with myself, lying down doesn't help, I can only sleep for a half an hour here and there, then I need to throw up. I know I need to eat something but the thought of food is literally sickening.

I put the patch on, on Monday and now it's Thursday so I hope the symptoms subside today. I feel better than I did yesterday, though that isn't saying much because at some points yesterday I was rocking back and forth, crying and begging for it to be over. Ed was working all day yesterday which was ok, I told him to go, he came home around 17.00 and was supposed to be teaching again last night, but he offered to cancel his classes and stick around and I am so glad he did. He looked after me and made me take my medication, checked on me and was just there for me... the evening was much more bearable than the day. I don't know what I would do without him. At one point yesterday in a dozy haze I found myself watching something on BBC ...classic daytime TV... about housing officers inspecting properties which were dangerous and them trying to get the landlords to do the work. One guy they visited had cancer of the spine and was alone.... his couldn't use his bathroom because it was a death-trap as there was damp all over and water just dripping through all the electrics. That made me cry... cry in sympathy for him, but also in appreciation of my situation... it's cocking crap that I have cancer, but at least I am not alone... that I just can't imagine.

So now I'm trying to think positively, the sun is shining, I don't feel quite as horrendous as this time yesterday so I hope that is a good sign for the rest of the day, and Ed is at home with me today. Three reasons to smile.