D is for The drugs don't work

Before I start, for the anal readers of you, I do realise that officially this entry should come under 'T' for "The" but you know what.. it's my blog so get over it!

It's 2.31 a.m. and I should be in bed enjoying a deep, long awaited sleep, blissfully unaware of any pain. Well, clearly that is not the case, I'm sitting here eating crisps, drinking water and listening to Pharrell Williams "Happy" on the 24 hour channel (infectious song and video, so it must rub off!). It's just ace watching general public dancing; a mix of cool, nerdy, freaky, cute, makes you feel less of a dick while dancing around the living room. There is one guy who is really cute.. he's really self-conscious to begin with so is looking around him and doing a few sneak hip sways while no-one is watching, but as the time goes on he gets more confidence and starts dancing properly! There is something vaguely 'French and Saunders' about it! ( go to 1.57 p.m. to see what I mean if you can be bothered).

Anyway, I digress, the point of this post is the ineffectiveness of the sleeping pill and pain relief I have been given. Last week I was given calming, rest-inducing tablets (that's a translation from Dutch, I know it doesn't sound right but can't find another way of saying it which actually captures the description). They did vaguely help me get to sleep but not to stay asleep for long. Yesterday I was given a genuine sleeping pill... the holy grail! I had high hopes for it, took it about 11.30 p.m. and am still waiting for it to kick in... well, I think we can safely say it isn't going to now is it?! I wouldn't be surprised if the pain has some impact on the extent to which the sleeping tablets work. I've got a morphine patch on now, which has helped, and I have a nose spray for pain not covered by the morphine; this is good because it works pretty much instantaneously and does offer quite a lot of pain relief. Well this evening, not even that is working. I think I should only have 4 sprays a day and I had 5 yesterday evening.

So if the drugs don't work, what can I do? Someone recommended cannabis oil, but apparently that is quite expensive. I need to look into it though because if I can get pain relief without all the drugs and side-effects, that would be amazing. I am trying distraction ... writing this, watching music videos etc. but all I want is to sleep!

Maybe it's partly pyschological as well; I have a lung biopsy this morning and although I don't think I am particularly nervous about it, I suppose I probably am and that might be a contributing factor to still being awake.

Right, time for more music videos... so far my play list includes: Rihanna 'Stay', Florence and the Machine 'Sweet Nothings' (love that song!) Christine and The Queens 'Tilted', Years and Years 'Shine', Tom Odell 'Magnetised', The 1975 'Chocolate'. And if you dare, picure me dancing around the living room in my bathrobe, hot water bottle strapped to my lower back... you see that is happiness!