G is for (the) gift that keeps on giving

Who knew that Chemotherapy could be so generous in its side-effects? I mean you have the well-documented and 'chart-topping' ones such as hair loss, nausea, weight gain/loss, headaches, appetite loss, heightened sense of smell, change in taste buds... etc. etc. but the latest one I have been lucky enough to experience is a red and angry looking rash on my feet, mainly my toes. Could it be the remnants of the herpes virus?! Apart from being a bit uncomfortable, it's really unattractive; the default temperature for my hands and feet is always 'cold', so if I don't wear socks and am not doing anything, my feet will often take on a blue tinge.. also attractive. Now, there is a ruddy hint, mixed with a bit of blue. It reminds me of the mottled effect, bluish colour my legs would go when I was at school and we were forced to play hockey on the field in winter when the ground was hard with frost, wearing a gym skirt! Why were we not allowed to wear jogging bottoms or leggings?? Was our P.E. teacher really that sadistic or was it just considered 'character building'? Not everything was good in the good-old days!

Well anyway, now my feet do hurt a bit when I am wearing shoes or trainers so since I was at the hospital yesterday for my second gym session with the physio, I thought it was a good opportunity to get it checked out. I went to see Nanny (my chemo nurse) and she had the pleasure of examining my beautiful feet - what a lucky lady. Her exact words were "I've never seen that before"... always reassuring to hear! Well, she organised an appointment with a dermatologist (translated surname: Dr Cheap, poor lady!) who I saw within the hour. She wasn't sure exactly what it was either but after a quick examination she was convinced that it isn't serious and I am fine to have my chemo session today. She did cut out a piece of my big toe to send off for tests to identify exactly what it is (or isn't!) so she'll call me with the results of that next week.

In a couple of hours I will be in one of the big beige chairs hooked up to the IV again. I'm feeling a lot more confident about the after effects now because of the positive experience last time. I've got some things booked in and work to do over the next week, nothing that can't be changed, but it's nice to have things to look forward to. I need to keep going with my book - started it and got about 3 pages in to the first chapter but have not kept up to the '300 words per day' rule that I wanted to. Oh well, I will just keep trying!

Tomorrow I am going to apply for my Dutch passport! Yes, I have been meaning to do it for ages - initially it was so that I could vote in this country... not really asking too much is it? I have lived here for nearly 17 years (on and off) and have been paying my taxes all that time! Now, of course, with Brexit nothing is sure and who knows what impact it will have for everyone. I don't have any Great Brexpectations! (sorry, couldn't resist that, I'll leave you guessing which quality publication that was from!) of things changing dramatically in the next couple of years really, but I also don't know how long it will take to get my passport - with no complications it should only be a few months. However, my married name is Burghard in the UK and my British passport, and in the system here I am still a Kennard! I did investigate getting the passport before the summer but the woman I spoke to was quite stubborn and unhelpful so I just gave in and it got left, and obviously since the end of August it hasn't been top on my list of priorities. Well, I'm going in prepared for a potential 'difficult' discussion, so hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised and there won't be any issues.

There have been (several) points over the past 4 months when I have felt that everything happening is just so surreal that it can't be true. Unfortunately, it is true, but that sense of disbelief at events has only increased recently with Trump actually becoming president. I wish it was 'an alternative fact' but sadly, it looks like he is here to stay. Questions I have asked myself about my cancer diagnosis are just as pertinent here: Why is this happening? What did I/we do to deserve this? Can it be real? It must be a mistake, mustn't it? What kind of timeline are we thinking here? When will I wake up from this nightmare? How on earth are we going to cope with this?

I am afraid that some of these questions will remain unanswered but I hope that the country and the rest of the world strikes back and he sets a precedent by being kicked out of power within the first year! I've been hoping for miracles since September and I will never give up hope so I'll just add this to my list!