F is for Feel Happy Moment

I couldn't let it lie... the English teacher in me can't ignore this! This was advertised in our hotel last weekend: "Feel Happy Moment" - there are several things wrong with this statement, not least its dodgy connection with a happy ending, but it was advertising an hour (17.00-18.00) when free snacks are served in the lounge area. Not only is it a clearly not a moment, but an hour, but why not just use the standard phrase 'Happy Hour'... it works for bars all over the world.. and kind of says what it is. Ok, this is not as happy an hour as when you get free booze maybe, but it's still something free for an hour! In addition, I would say they were over-stretching the amount of enjoyment their snacks would bring... I didn't partake because I wasn't feeling well, but even in a healthy state I can say with confidence that their snacks would not bring me a lot of joy... too much mushy, potato salad style stuff.. but that's just my preference. Anyway, that is my rant over!

The reason for starting off with a 'happy moment' is because I do feel a lot happier, and healthier (no coincidence there) than last week. It would be hard to feel lower because now I feel better, I realise how rubbish I actually felt. The tablets I have been on since Monday have obviously worked wonders, because my rash is clearing up and is less itchy and my appetite is back and I have more energy. Unfortunately, I have still had to be in hospital for appointments every day except Wednesday but that's ok. They were monitoring my blood levels and my white blood cell count had been continuing to drop.. until yesterday when the figures were slightly up. They are still very low which means I'm still at risk of infection so still have to be careful mixing with the general public, who are notorious for their germs and general dirtiness (!), but I after being topped up with 2 more bags of blood for my HB levels, I do feel like I have more energy. On top of all that, the sun has been out the last couple of days and I managed to get out in the garden for the first time in months; it was so lovely to be outside and be doing something useful where you can see the results of your labour.

I also have a few new work opportunities in the pipeline now; I had a Skype interview with a lady from Leiden university which needs part of their website translated and we discussed that and the deadlines etc. so I think that will go ahead. I've got another telephone interview with a woman from a healthcare company which needs a part-time, temporary, copy writer so that would be really interesting. I have explained my situation and that I would need to work from home and have some flexibility in terms of hours etc. but she obviously thinks there must be some potential there, otherwise she wouldn't waste her time on a phonecall. Finally, another couple of students who I have taught in the past want some more private lessons so that will start up in a few weeks as well. I'm feeling really positive about all this, quite a few different things which all give me some new experience, and of course, some financial reward which is certainly useful.

I have an appointment with another Dr (mine is on holiday) on Wednesday to discuss my next treatment options. I am compiling a list of questions to ask and suggestions for other treatments so let's hope that something positive comes of that. I'm sure it will. What I am now quite certain about, is that I don't want any chemo now before we go on holiday on the 11th April. I don't want anything before 22nd March because I will be in England then, when I get back on 28th, then it is quite a short period between 29th and 11th April, so if I have a new type of chemo, there is no guarantee how I will feel. Although it could be absolutely fine, I really do not want to risk feeling shitty on our holiday - we are both hanging out for a week of relaxation, warmth and nice food - all this based on us both feeling fit enough to enjoy it, and be able to do 'normal holiday' things like swimming and eating! Is that too much to ask?! I know I am in charge and if I don't want chemo, then I just tell the doctors that and that is what will happen, but I obviously need to be sensible in terms of my health and what it means if I don't have any treatment between now and then. We'll see.

I'm desperate to get out in the garden now the sunshine is out; I am still in my pyjamas but might just do it anyway.. nothing wrong with a bit of gardening with birds-nest hair and pyjamas is there? Who am I offending anyway, the birds don't care and I'm not venturing out into the front garden! I may have lost a sense of pride in my appearance, but bustling around on Saturday morning in my bathroom, un-matching pyjamas, and old trainers in full view of the neighbours and (un)fortunate passers-by is a line I have yet to cross! If I get to the point when I do actually cross that line , I ought to just be glad that I have the energy to do any gardening and not give a fuck what the neighbours think!

So on that note, I am off to feel happy in my garden!