D is for Day 11

I've just spent about ten minutes watching the pair of blackbirds that live in our garden. They are funny to watch, busy pecking around on the grass and in the veggie patch, the female is a bit aggressive sometimes, pushing the male out of the way when she wants to get at what he's got! I cut the grass and planted some more vegetable plants yesterday and they were watching me closely as I worked, waiting for me to be at a safe distance before swooping down to join in. You know you are old when you'd rather watch the birds in your garden than the TV and you like inspecting the growth of the plants in your borders! So it is official then, I am an old bird. Well, I'm not bothered, maybe I won't get old in years, but I'm clearly exhibiting pensioner tendencies early!

I contacted the oncology nurses in Erasmus today to give them an update on how I'm doing with the Afatinib tablets now it's been over a week. They replied immediately that they were satisfied with what's been happening, so I'm not displaying any unusual side-effects that they have never seen before (always a relief!) Some days are better than others but on the whole it's ok. I have noticed a few small spots on my forehead but I am not going to start any medication for that yet because that also has side-effects (of course it does!). Apparently there is a cream I can use first before starting the antibiotics so I will go for that if I need to. At the moment, it's just a few teenage pimples and they are hidden by my glasses anyway, so I can cope with that. If I start getting big spots on my cheeks, then I might want to take action!

Feeling a bit flat today, think it's the result of Caela leaving. We had a lovely few days, didn't do a huge amount, but it was great having her here as usual. I also woke up with a headache and had to go back to bed for a few hours to sleep it off. Went to the Dr this morning to try and get a medical report to get my driving licence renewed. Why are things never simple? Because I have epilepsy I have to get it renewed every five years and I need approval from a neurologist to do that, well now because of having lung cancer, I also need to get approval for that. I started this process in March and it's still going on. I went back to my GP with a letter and form from the organisation that processes all the medical approvals for driving licences, and he isn't sure he is able to sign this form, he thinks it needs to be my lung doctor. I don't really care who does it, I just want it done. It was hard enough to get an appointment with a neurologist; the secretaries in hospitals and at doctor's surgeries can be really unhelpful and have a superiority complex! Anyway, I now have an appointment with an independent neurologist on 2nd June but my licence expires on 1st July... I don't think all the paperwork will be back and processed by then. In reality, how likely is it that I will use my driving licence? I don't know, but I want to have the option, even if it does take some time (and patience) and cost me about €200! Is this a re-run of the whole residence application shambles?!

When I was talking to my G.P. he asked me how I was feeling 'mentally' which made me think about it. I suppose I have been thinking about the need to talk to a professional more lately, than a few months ago. When we went to the counsellor in the hospital initially we didn't really know how to fill the silence and answer the questions, but I think I have more to say now and think it might be a good idea for us to have separate sessions. Ed needs support that I can't give him; we talk about everything but not every day and some things are just hard to discuss with friends or family. I know I can say anything to them, but sometimes it is just easier to talk to an outsider, then there is no baggage, no expectations, no concern about upsetting people or creating more worry. I simply don't want to talk about it all the time with friends and family either; a lot of the time it is unavoidable because I might not be feeling great, or even if I feel alright, I am still a sickly child so can't do some of the normal things anymore: spend an afternoon getting slightly tipsy, stay out really late, walk at the same pace etc. and of course that doesn't mean my life is over, but when I am with friends having a few drinks, it is a reminder of what life used to be like. I am going to make an appointment with the counsellor and see how it goes; maybe after one session I will find it too airy-fairy and more annoying than helpful!!

My aim now is to have a daily outing! I am meeting friends, teaching or doing something every day this week which is really good because I want to keep busy, physically but also mentally. I have nearly finished a translation job for a medical school and I'll be glad when it's done because it's been quite hard work. I thought it was too difficult because of my level of Dutch, but when I asked Ed to help me with a few phrases that I just couldn't understand, he looked at the original document and couldn't understand them either! Apparently it's written quite badly and has a few mistakes so I don't feel so bad for having problems with it now.

Had a bit of a lapse in my 'low sugar' diet this weekend! Caela and I had to go out for cake of course, it would have been rude not to partake, can't let someone eat cake alone can I? So now it's back to refined sugar-free eating... as much as I have energy for! It's not too bad actually, and I do notice that when I do taste sweet things that they seem to taste overly sweet because I haven't had really sugary things for a while. It's a bit easier than I thought it would be... maybe because I am not being obsessive about it. Talking of food, I think I need to eat something, but what do I want?....... gosh, I bore myself!