T is for trepidation

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I was no longer able to do any adventurous travelling. Well, what I have discovered is that 'adventure' and 'risk' are relative, and over the last few days, even a trip to the supermarket constitutes a risky activity for me. I really do hate talking about this, suffice to say that proximity to a bathroom has been my focus this week. I have been feeling nauseous since Monday and eating very little, from Wednesday this has overlapped with another problem.

I had an appointment to get my hair cut, thinking that if I have to deal with teenage acne and thinning hair which has lost its curl, then I might as well go for a different style, with a fringe to cover up my pizza-forehead! Well, I had the appointment for Tuesday morning but had to cancel that because I was feeling so rough. I rescheduled it for Wednesday afternoon, because I had to go to the town hall anyway, an appointment which I had also rescheduled. Anyway, I forced myself to go and managed to keep orifices sealed for the duration of my excursion. I had already planned my journey in advance, identifying strategic toilet locations along the way, in case of emergency. After my hair cut I had about an hour to spare so I went to sit in a cafe near the town hall; forced myself to eat something; I had my book ready to try and enjoy being out of the house for a change. You know when you are trying to read but find yourself being obligated to eavesdrop on the conversation going on nearby? Well, there was an old American couple, I know it's awful, but I had spotted them and labelled them as foreigners of the North American persuasion immediately. No, they weren't wearing white socks pulled up to the limit with khaki shorts or carrying cameras around their necks, The woman was looking impatiently between a table which hadn't been cleared and the bar staff.. they didn't sit down and wait, but just hovered and frowned with a huff and puff (is that the English version of a 'he he'?!). Eventually the woman said (loudly, of course) "Can you clear this table so we can sit here" Note the lack of question mark, because there wasn't one in her sentence, nor a 'please' or smile. Now I do have to say that the customer service here in the Netherlands is hit and miss, in contrast to the North American over-zealous version, so it is understandable that she would be incredulous that a member of staff didn't jump to attention and come over beaming at her! (which, surprisingly enough, didn't happen!) Well anyway, that is the background; I couldn't really avoid listening in to the conversation because of the volume; it turned out that she was in fact, as first impressions had suggested, a grumpy old American lady! She was complaining that the woman they were supposed to be meeting was late and went on to check her emails and messages on her phone to confirm that she was in the right (is that a female thing? a mum thing?!) then called the husband of the absent friend and was equally as rude and brusque with him as she had been to the waitress. Crikey. I was on the brink of saying something... I'll never see her again, what I have I got to lose... but I bottled it in the end!

Well that entertained me for the hour, after which I walked to the council, filled in my forms and then got the train home. Within minutes of getting in the door I threw up. Amazing how your body manages to control itself until it knows it's safe and then gives up. I remember having a similar experience when I was teaching in Barcelona (disclaimer: a very unprofessional revelation about to be made!). I had a killer hangover but had to teach a substitute class on a Saturday morning at The British Council. I got through the 2.5 hour lesson with lots of water and chewing gum and probably something greasy, then got the metro back to the centre and had a 15 minute walk through the busy Barrio Gotico. Saturday, near the Ramblas... urgh, tourist nightmare, people walking slowly, stopping suddenly without indicating etc. well, I negotiated all of these, climbed the three flights of stairs, got in and promptly vomited! My body had managed that for about 5 hours.. incredible. Big difference of course is that the Barcelona horror was self-inflicted and short lived, whereas this has no clear end date and is just one episode in a series of bad luck.

After contacting Janneke in Erasmus MC, I have started taking anti-nausea tablets and so wasn't sick at all yesterday, hurray! I definitely didn't want to risk leaving the house though for other reasons. Luckily we had summer yesterday so I spent all day sitting in the garden and Marieke joined me to keep my company for a while and brought a couple of snacks too which was really kind. Today, however, is autumn again and it's raining. Well, good news is that I might actually dare to leave the house and venture to the shops (it is less than a 5 min walk); yes, I am tentatively confident that I have turned a corner. It's two weeks since I started taking the Afatinib tablets so is my body adjusting and will some side-effects subside and others pick up the baton? Or will these side-effects persist and be joined by others?... I don't think the nurses can say because everyone reacts differently.

I'm really disappointed that I have had to cancel a date with Simone and Michele to go for High Tea in Den Haag. Two challenges there... first of all, travelling by train and bus and second, eating. It's not worth the stress, I was considering it and wondering if I could manage. When I had a flashback to being in primary school and thinking about taking a spare pair of pants, I knew it wasn't a good idea! So, another time, another postponement, another reschedule. I always used to pride myself (I don't like to use the word smug!) on being reliable, hardly ever cancelling or pulling out of things and always being on time, but now I am the queen of last minute cancellations and it's not a title I like, or will get used to.